RSVPing Written on August 9, 2009, by Elizabeth.
There is a lost art…a lost courtesy…actually, a lost social grace. It is called RSVPing.
Seriously, people, I was raised in the thought that you MUST write thank you notes, you must say please in front of a request and you MUST RSVP!! AND…on top of that, there is this added belief that if you RSVP and say you are coming…you actually show up. Who told people that any other way was acceptable?
Where did this rant come from? Well, a few places.
First, as some of you know, we recently had a wedding. You know, those things that cost lots of money and require final head counts? You know those things where we give you WEEKS to respond? You know those things that mean lots to us and where we hope you will respond the second you get the invitation with a resounding “OH my goodness, we wouldn’t miss it for the world. Set up a table for two more of us!”? Yeah, that kind of wedding. Some people did really well with the RSVPing…and others were sent an email two weeks after the deadline that read: “Well, since we haven’t been able to get a hold of you by phone, smoke signals or certified mail…we will just assume you aren’t interested in joining us on this amazing occasion.” (Ok…maybe it wasn’t that bad…).
Secondly, we have had going away parties for two friends this summer. They gave us a list of people they hoped would be there, we sent out the evites (yes, this is significantly less formal than a wedding, but still…you MUST RSVP) and a large number of people didn’t RSVP….but worse, there was also a large number of people who said they were coming and just simply didn’t show up. Who does that? We bought food for them, the friends leaving town were expecting a farewell from them…and they didn’t even tell us they weren’t coming or apologize because their aunt died or their gall bladder nearly ruptured or anything of the like. WHO TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT THIS WAS OK?!
Now, I am not trying to be a prude or be Ms. Manners. I also don’t think these people are bad people…a lot of my friends do this….they simply don’t think that it is a big deal. And I am here to say, “It IS a big deal. It IS rude…and people feel poorly when you make decisions like this.”
Once upon a time, it was a social expectation that your response to an invitation was as equally formal as the invitation itself. This means that if you got an invitation to a wedding, you wouldn’t just check a box and pop it in the mail, you would formally write your response in letter (ie Mr. and Mrs. James Judd are pleased to accept your invitation for your wedding on May 9th. Thank you for thinking of us. We are so happy to celebrate this day with you.). BUT people can’t do that any more, so we now must send little response cards….all you have to do it mark an X and pop it in the self-addressed, stamped envelope….AND people can’t even do that! What has happened in the world?!
Yes, this seems like a stupid rampage. Yes, I am spending my precious time blogging about this….but I am hoping to save the next hostess from this rude annoyance and encourage all of you to RSVP. I can only think of one time in your life when it is ok to drop the ball on this….and that is when you have a newborn. Newborns suck the brains out of everyone…and no one expects you to keep track of the days of the week, nonetheless RSVP for something. The only thing is you can’t claim your five-year-old is a newborn still!
I have to admit that I have dropped the ball RSVPing myself. I definitely missed a friend’s baby shower earlier this year…and felt horribly about it. Can I claim the fact that I was moving and planning a wedding? Yes, but I was still incredibly rude for not RSVPing. After being stood up and left hanging more than a few times this year….I have learned my lesson on this one.
All in all, when you are invited to something, it is because the host really wants you there. They are extending a piece of themselves. When you don’t RSVP or plain ‘ol don’t show….you are shoving it in their face. I will never forget who was the first to respond for our wedding (Thanks, Steph!). It meant so much to me to get that excited reply. Please consider this the next time you receive an invite. Respond quickly, accurately and enthusiastically….your host is sure to never forget.
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Hi Elizabeth – The RSVPing is a very well written, spot on rant. The arrogance of people who don’t bother to respond to an invitation is only exceeded by the self centered jerks that respond and then do not show up. You would have to be living in a cave to not know that weddings are expensive and that you get charged for their inconsiderate behavior (of committing and then not showing). Well said.